Apologies for the distinct lack of funny/Germany-related blogs, but I have had a pretty intense weekend and am still catching up on my beauty sleep. As you can tell, I need a lot of it:

  My camara ran out of juice a couple of times on the trip, so I need to raid some people’s Facebook pages and (this is a hint, guys) get some photos from my friends. You know what my email is. Once I’ve got enough stuff together I’ll work on a slide show or something – the only problem with this blog’s layout is the lack of space for photos. Either they’re too small to see or go in columns.

  Anyway, as we got to Berlin via aeroplane, have a looksie at some complaints made to Thomas Cook about holidays last season…

• “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”
• “It’s lazy of the local shop keepers to close in the afternoons. I often need to buy things during the siesta times – this should be banned.”
• “On my holiday to Goa, India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.”
• “We booked an excursion to a water park, but no one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels,”
• “The beach was too sandy.”
• “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.”
• “Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”
• “We bought Ray Ban sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.”
• “No one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.”
• “There was no egg slicer in the apartment.”
• “We went on holiday to Spain, and had a problem with the taxi drivers, as they were all Spanish…”
• “The roads were uneven.”
• “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England, but it only took the Americans three hours to fly home.”
• “I compared the size of our one bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment, and ours was significantly smaller.”
• “The brochure stated ‘no hairdressers at the accommodation.’ We’re trainee hairdressers, will we be okay staying there?”
• “There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish, the food is Spanish, too many foreigners.”
• “We had to queue outside with no air conditioning.”
• “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”
• “I was bitten by a mosquito. No one said they could bite.”
• “My fiancée and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”
• A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel ‘inadequate’.
• A woman threatened to call the police after claiming that she had been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.
• A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping gravy at the time.

I have a few of my own to add:

• Zakynthos, Greece: “The portions are too big. I am on a diet.”
• Zakynthos: “The eggs are too strong.”