What I hate about exams is that they sneak up on you. The date is so far away, then it’s next week, then in two days, then… Tomorrow.

  Unfortunately, this IAA is not an exam I can make up on the spot. With humanities, this is pretty easy – all you have to do is ramble about Harry Truman or longshore drift or Jesus. In Science, you have to know actual facts. Which can’t be altered depending on the day. I know approximately eight things about Chemistry:

1).Water is H2O

2. Butane is featured in an MCR song

3. So is kerosene/paraffin

4. So is ephedrine

5. So is neon

6. You can spell Bipolar using the chemical symbols for bismuth, polonium, iodine (if you pretend it’s an L) and argon

7. You can spell Bacon in various different ways

8. Magnesium powder mixed with sulphuric acid makes you cough.

  I think I shall go and watch House in the hope that the team encounter a child who’s been eating hydrochloric acid mixed with sodium hydroxide.

  Whatever that means.