Emoshit

  There is really no excuse for slitting your wrists.

  There’s an excuse for self-harming, definitely – why do alcoholics become alcoholics? I listen to Mindless Self Indulgence loudly, people smoke or take drugs, get addicted to daytime TV. There are a lot of people in the world who don’t like themselves, and I’m often one of them… There is nothing wrong with that. You know, bad hair day, failed exam, fight with your best friend, someone close to you dies.

  Getting depressed is a very normal occurence and if you don’t get depression at least once in your life you are clearly not human. There is, however, a massive difference between having a bad week and being depressed.

  I go to school with a lot of people (I won’t name names because I am not the Daily Mail) who treat an argument in their circle of friends as the be all and end all, then go and take a razor to their wrists, permanently marring their skin and making their nerves hurt.

  What’s worse is when kids do it and make it very public, but at the same time make a big deal of wearing wristbands and having black and white display pictures on MSN. This is not having issues with your BFF, this is attention-seeking.

  It is called emoshit and is utter crap.

  Look, I get it if you’re upset. I understand that there’s no one close to you that you feel you can talk to. I realise you might want to block out your parents having a row or relatives discussing sick grandparents in hushed whispers.

  Ever tried watching a Monty Python sketch? Or Glee? I can tell you from experience that Glee is forty minutes of singing and bitching, with no relevance to anyone’s life whatsoever. You don’t have to have blood running down your arm to forget about problems. You just need an escape route.

  Another type of emoshit is when teenagers listen to bands like, I don’t know, My Chemical Romance and think, “They wear black and sing about death, their frontman’s hot, I’m going to make my hair look like a crow died on my head and never smile. Now I’m a My Chem fan!”

  You need to wake up and smell the body odour.

  One of the first times I heard The Black Parade I was all, “My life sucks!” and briefly considered poking holes in my hand with nail scissors. Then I listened to some of Parade’s lyrics properly and realised that I was being a prat and needed to take a break. Nowdays MCR are my favourite band because they say some smart things, write some hilarious and wierd stories and helped me bond with some of my closest friends… There’s nothing like a debate about Demolition Lovers verses the Patient to glue a relationship. So many kids love My Chem because they are an escape route, just not in an it’s-cool-to-hang-myself way. More of a I-can’t-believe-they-just-sang-that-I-must-see-them-live kind of way.

  So, emoshit kids. Get over yourselves. Take a step back and work out why you’re doing what you’re doing. Think it through. I’m not saying your life isn’t difficult, I’m saying it isn’t impossible.

  Oh, and stop fangirling over Gerard and making him have sex with his brother. He’s a gobby chain smoker with no proper job… He also happens to be married to a woman.