Two posts in a week? Is it 2011? Perhaps perhaps. I tap this out on a train back to Uni City, with The Raven Boys propped in front of me, and when I’m not falling asleep sitting up (quite the ability if you ask me) I am thinking about how grateful I am for all the music and books and creations I get to consume. I’ve slept maybe 8 hours in two or three days, because I’m doing an online writing course taught from the USA, and the first class was the day before/day of MCRMK. So I went from thinking about establishing the mood and tone of a series at 2am to dancing my feet off with twenty thousand odd other people really quickly. And as I haul my arse across England back to uni, in that hangover-esque fug you get from continual interrupted sleep, I’m just thinking about how grateful I am to live in a world at the same time as My Chemical Romance, in the same week of a new MCR tour, and new Måneskin and Hayley Kiyoko singles, and the new Umbrella Academy trailer. How mad is it that we get to be alive at the same time all these people are bringing out new work.
Maybe this is the acceptable reaction to 11 years between MCR shows, when MCR was in the past tense for 7 of those years. I remember people saying, ‘Fake Your Death means they’ll be back one day!’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like bullshit,’ because the cardinal rule of creating is that you stop when it’s not fun anymore. I made my peace, eventually, with past tense MCR. I never expected a return, much less live shows, much less new material. So I’m here for a dance and a laugh and I’m never going to assume there will be a next time. Also, last time I saw Chem live, I was a barely-sentient child. I had more stamina then, and didn’t have to stop moshing partway through a song in case one of my knees gave out, but I’m more Francesca-shaped now. Spikier, but more solid round the edges. The sad songs mean more now. The angry-determined songs mean more now, and they meant a lot last time. Side effect of life for most of us, I guess? More years on the clock, more people to think of during a song about dying. The dirty jokes are funnier now, too, obviously. I keep remembering that not everyone’s lucky enough to bookend whole chunks of life with live shows from one band. How strange and wonderful to get to do that.
I took a few photos – no spoilers, I promise – but no video whatsoever. I realised yesterday I don’t need to film a clip of a show, because I’m not interested in retaining visuals or audio. I never rewatch videos because it’s not about looking at a version of what I saw. I’m interested in remembering how I felt. The mood and the tone, ha! They’re harder to lose, aren’t they, feelings, because even as you settle back into the averages of everyday life, you never know when you will stumble into a new experience and think, ‘this feels like Blah,’ even if Blah has nothing obviously in common with this new experience. There’s something deep in your brain that recognises the link between the two, and there you are feeling again.
MCR show feelings have only ever happened at MCR shows
which is probably why I’ve been in a bad mood since 2013, It’s sort of like seeing your family you don’t see very often, and having a loud party. At the same time as going to the gym wearing a lot of jewellery. And tearing up a bit because everyone likes the set list and everyone’s there with their own lil MCR stories and experiences and what are the odds of all of you all being in the same room, right now, after however many years away?
It’s also sort of not like that. It’s like… I don’t know. When you come home after a long day and put your slippers on. Oh, by the way, the Killjoy jacket survived and thrived! Very grateful for pockets that can fit entire bottles. I have some not-bathroom pictures, but I don’t like to share photos of my friends on here these days, so you’ll just have to assume a) I have friends and b) we took pictures together. Anyway, yeah, smudged eyeliner and a jacket that smells like Milton Keynes:
No spoilers if you have a show ahead of you, but you’ll like it. Don’t leave til the house lights come on. If your life changed so much in the last couple of years that you can’t go, I was thinking of you yesterday. I was thinking of everyone who couldn’t go because they’re not here anymore, too. I like to think I enjoyed myself enough for all of us. I hope I did, because that’s sort of the point, isn’t it.
Look after yourselves and if you get to see this tour, tell me your thoughts!
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2 thoughts on “In which my Killjoy jacket went on an adventure to Milton Keynes”
I was gonna comment on this a month ago, but I couldn’t get make out the words to describe my feelings. I’m still not sure if I can. So much has happened since the show, but still the fact that I was there almost make me cry. It was perfect. It was magic. My throat is still sore. Or maybe that’s just a virus I acquired a week after. Still, I don’t feel like I’m even close to recover from it. Standing in the middle off a crowd again. Singing and screaming at the top of my lungs. Coughing a lot, cause apparently I can’t sing at the top of my lungs since Covid. Jumping up and down and dancing like a lunatic. Don’t care about what anyone think because this is a once in a lifetime experience, and I WILL experience it to the fullest. Standing in line for over an hour, to buy a shirt that is too small, and still love the shirt to death because of what it represents. Wearing the shirt above my other shirt and realizing it do kinda fit, but show every single curve. Wearing my mcr hoodie, which I have no other occasion to wear, but feel like it’s the best piece of clothing I ever bought. Wondering if we’ll actually have to sleep at Bletchley station, since the train is packed, and the relief and pure happiness when another train came and brought us back to London. And all the feelings! The happiness, the sadness, the grief, joy, excitement… everything bundled into something that made me feel like I would explode. And the fact that it happened! After thinking it never could from 2013 to 2020, and the worrying it never would from 2020 to 2022, it happened, and it was even better because we had to wait. It was worth the wait. I would ever wait. And then falling back n love with MCR all over again, and trying to comprehend the fact that people around me won’t understand, and the won’t care. Nobody wants to hear more about the show than the two minute summary. Nobody wants to discuss all the songs in detail, nobody wants to discuss Gees outfit choices, people just don’t care. And slowly getting back to reality, but still feel like there’s a chance that I might be a little altered by this, a little piece of me that will never ever be the same. And hope that the feeling is true, cause I want to carry this with me for ever. Cause this made me realize that there is good things coming back after the last years. And it made me feel alive, and it made me want to chase this feeling of aliveness, and keep living my life to the fullest. And I don’t want to forget that. Even if what I’m doing these days is trying not to cry that I’m losing some of my favorite colleagues after this school year, and wondering how long my throat can be sore before I should actually go to the doctor. And I don’t know if this was what you meant when you said tell me your thoughts, but I think this is a pretty good summary of my thoughts😅
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This is EXACTLY it. I hope I carry a bit of the experience with me forever. Wear those shirts and those hoodies! My t-shirt is going to be a summer dress. It probably shouldn’t be unless I line it first, because it keeps hitching up and I don’t want to flash a poor stranger, but it’s basically a dress.
I’m glad you didn’t have to sleep at Bletchley. Also, go to the doctor! Just to be careful, especially if you cough more since Covid.