South East Asia Day 79: Missing the UK… (Or Not)

If my maths is right (and it probably isn’t), today marks three quarters of this trip. In honour of this significant landmark, here is a list I’ve been compiling of what I miss about home… and what I could happily never see again.

Things I don’t miss about the UK

• Drizzle
• Wearing three layers to leave the house and taking both an umbrella and sunglasses
• Brexit bullshit (not that I’ve been immune out here. Completely devastated about #IndyRef2 but who can bloody blame them)
• The Daily Mail
• Going out for coffee and needing to sell an organ for an accompanying flapjack
• Neighbours who complain that I park over their driveway, which I don’t, when they don’t even use their driveway
• Bible bashers in Southend high street who should go to an Asian war museum if they actually want to see what hell looks like
• Turning on the TV for two minutes and finishing Keeping Up With the Kardashians an hour later
• How shit everyone thinks everything is even though they live in a country that isn’t riddled with landmines and they have free healthcare and their government hasn’t tried committing a genocide recently and their children are in school and not asking tourists for money outside a famous landmark
• Having two-four jobs at any one time
• Easter advertising at the end of January

Things I do miss

• DOGS
• My friends
• Decent chocolate
• Cupboards
• Private Eye
• Leaving my clothes in my bedroom when I go into the bathroom, and leaving my toothbrush in the bathroom when I go into my bedroom
• Family
• Smoking ban in public places
• General public use of seatbelts and traffic lights
• Staying in the same place for more than a week
• Good TV
• Having a job
• Porridge
• Being the only person who has a bed in my bedroom
• Waking up to Jon Humphreys ripping the shit out of a politician on the Today Programme
• Going down the pub, bitching about the pub, going to McDonald’s after, bitching about McDonald’s
• Getting my eyebrows waxed